Every day Match.com mails me a selection of “matches”.  Although at one point I was highly offended by it’s suggestions, it seems to have done much better lately.  I frequently find myself saying, “oooooh”  and “aaaahhh” as I flip through the thumbnail photos that show up in my mailbox.

One such “wow” girl was in my mailbox today.  I clicked on her profile, only to find that aside from being hot, she said the same things that EVERY FUCKING OTHER WOMAN SAYS.  Holy shit, I am so bored of 99% of you women out there!  Here is what EVERY FUCKING SINGLE WOMAN SAYS:

“If all you have to say is hi, and how are you I probably wont respond. Anyway! I am a very fun outgoing person. I can get my hands dirty with the boys, and I love to dress up for a night on the town. I love to laugh!   I love to play sports, go camping, go to concerts or anything outdoors in the summer. If I’m not out on some adventure, I like to curl up with a great movie and a glass of wine. My favorite thing to do is travel, any chance I have to go somewhere new I take. I love exploring new places especially those that are tropical. I also like to go to vegas a couple times a year. I am a very hard worker and own my own business which I love. There is a lot I could say but I hate these things…If you wanna know just ask 🙂 “

I shit you not.  EEEVVVEERRYONE says this.  It’s like these girls think that because they are NOT UGLY, they have a license to be fucking boring.  I lost it today.  Here is what I wrote to one such boring ass hottie from Sandy, UT, age 29.

Subject: you are insane

I mean, I’d LIKE to say more than HI, but all you have told us is what EVERY OTHER girl on this site says! HAHA 😉
You like to travel. Awesome. Who doesn’t? You like camping, concerts, cancun, etc etc… zzzz…. so does everyone. You are really hot, but seriously, do you want us guys just drooling compliments all over you to begin with, as if all we care about is your cup size? Didn’t think so. Towards the end of your profile it sounded like you were maybe, POSSIBLY, about to start into something interesting, but then you shift the half baked onus onto us guys. “if you wanna know just ask”. NO. That is lame. Sorry. If you have something to share that is interesting about you, besides being hot, TELL US. Otherwise, we don’t even know where to begin. Know what I mean? Anyway, I’m sure you are a very nice girl, you just came up as the 1,000th lucky nondescript hot girl contestant on this video game we call , and I had to share my deepest feelings with you.

WHEW!
Ok. I feel better.

much love –
Paul

 

Ugh.  Women.

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