Morris Kunz: solving masculine dilemmas

women

Viewing posts tagged women

Morris Kunz: solving masculine dilemmas

Jessica Wise

founder – The Litas

Devin Townsend

recording artist

Pat Bagley

Pulitzer finalist political cartoonist

Sean Whalen

men’s coach

Robert Clark

National Geographic photographer

Kurt Bestor

Composer, pianist, trumpet player Kurt Bestor

composer

Richard Dutcher

black and white portrait of filmmaker Richard Dutcher

filmmaker

Marianne Willamson

author & spiritual teacher

Steven Wilson

Grammy nominated musician & producer

Peter Breinholt

Singer / songwriter Peter Breinholt photographed by Paul Duane

singer / songwriter

Genpo Roshi

black and white portrait of Zen Master Genpo Roshi

Zen Master Genpo Roshi

Speaking of masculine dilemmas: I just finished reading THE TRUTH by Neil Strauss. This is one of the most fascinating journeys through traditional and non-traditional relationships (and sex addiction therapy!) that I’ve ever heard. I actually did HEAR it. I used Audible to listen to the book, which was narrated by the author, Neil Strauss, himself. This is by far the most entertaining, engaging way to digest a book. Get a free audiobook of your choice and a free 30 day trial of Audible by clicking on this banner. Enjoy!

Everyone wants good love. Fellas, there’s nothing like getting involved with a woman to reveal the places you need to grow in. Intimacy expert Morris Kunz shares some ideas on how men can grow and show up in their full power.

“Men, when your woman speaks to you, remember, it’s a message directly from God. Women – be nice.”  – Gary Acevedo

Nuggets of wisdom from Morris:

“The more loving we can be in EVERY conversation, the better results we have. I don’t care if you are doing business or whatever…”

“Be sweet to yourself”

“A woman will follow a man who is chasing something that is bigger than her.  Start dreaming again.”

“It’s about having fun and dancing with the ladies in our life.” 

Radical Intimacy Facebook Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/168516880412002/

What made Jesus the Ultimate Ladies Man?

Jessica Wise

founder – The Litas

Devin Townsend

recording artist

Pat Bagley

Pulitzer finalist political cartoonist

Sean Whalen

men’s coach

Robert Clark

National Geographic photographer

Kurt Bestor

Composer, pianist, trumpet player Kurt Bestor

composer

Richard Dutcher

black and white portrait of filmmaker Richard Dutcher

filmmaker

Marianne Willamson

author & spiritual teacher

Steven Wilson

Grammy nominated musician & producer

Peter Breinholt

Singer / songwriter Peter Breinholt photographed by Paul Duane

singer / songwriter

Genpo Roshi

black and white portrait of Zen Master Genpo Roshi

Zen Master Genpo Roshi

 

….According to my friends.

Timothy Smith, Kelly Boyce, Charlynn Hamaker, Marc Hanson, Steve Conlin, Jake Garn, Ashley Bracy, Richard Dutcher, Dr. Pam Gurley, Brandon Lee, Steve Urquhart, Patrick Williams, Bethany Schrader

We all suspect Jesus being a champion with the ladies… on today’s episode, 12 of my friends weigh in on what made him such a hit with women.

359: Nineveh Dinhah-Madsen: realizing your power

Jessica Wise

founder – The Litas

Devin Townsend

recording artist

Pat Bagley

Pulitzer finalist political cartoonist

Sean Whalen

men’s coach

Robert Clark

National Geographic photographer

Kurt Bestor

Composer, pianist, trumpet player Kurt Bestor

composer

Richard Dutcher

black and white portrait of filmmaker Richard Dutcher

filmmaker

Marianne Willamson

author & spiritual teacher

Steven Wilson

Grammy nominated musician & producer

Peter Breinholt

Singer / songwriter Peter Breinholt photographed by Paul Duane

singer / songwriter

Genpo Roshi

black and white portrait of Zen Master Genpo Roshi

Zen Master Genpo Roshi

What does it mean to be an Alpha Female?

How do you break out of an abusive relationship?

What would it look like if women ran the world?

Am I inviting trouble at work by being too nice?

Journalist / anchor / magazine editor Nineveh Dinhah Madsen dishes out the wisdom she’s earned through her path from an ultra conservative home, an abusive relationship, to being a successful news anchor and enterpreneur.

NINEVEH:

“You have to be on the track of progression…  There’s so many people out there thinking they have to be perfect before they meet the perfect person. It’s about meeting the other person that’s on that track, too, and then combining, and going on that journey together and growing together.”

“Female empowerment is important, so is male empowerment.’

“Being an Alpha female is being confident and comfortable in who you are. Being strong, but not demeaning to the other sex to prove that you’re this big bad ass woman.”

Connect with Nineveh at:

HerMag.co

Instagram.com/hermagazine.co

Watch behind the scenes video of our recording session:

Order your bottle of Five Wives, Porter’s Fire, Underground, or Madam Pattirini Gin at HiTimeWine.net

 

 

Two kinds of giving up, two different paths

 

Swiping left and right as a 40 yr old dude is interesting business. I’m open to dating a rather wide range of ages. It’s an interesting vantage point to observe the feminine trajectory.  (these observations probably apply to men as well, but since I’ve only gone swiping for ladies, that’s all I’m going to talk about. Transpose as you may.)

40-ish is a fascinating fork in the road. Women tend to head off in one of two directions:  Those who have given up, and those who have let go – and they are TOTALLY different.

The first group are those who hit a point where they have decided that their world view is the final word. In their frustration and exhaustion, they made up their mind that “this is just how life is” and began making their quasi-peace with it. These women, seemingly overnight, go from being young women to old ladies. The essence of femininity is growth, ebb and flow, change… They’ve given up on exploration and their femininity withers on the vine.

There are women who have let go, and they are totally different. It’s hard to tell how old they are – they have a youthful something-about-them that would inspire the appetite of any young man in his sexual prime, yet they exude a wisdom and confidence that young women can only imitate, at best. To say she loves herself is one degree from the truth – she IS love. It manifests as nurturing and fierceness. She’s young enough not to care too much about the way things used to be – the past has no claim on her. She’s old enough not to care too much about what anyone thinks of her. She knows who she is and her definition of her identity is completely independent of other people or things. She may have done many laps around the sun; those laps have just made her more hot.  She has let go of all of the notions of what she “ought to be” and finds pure joy in being what she IS.

One is a slave to what “ought to be” and has given up trying. The other has let go of what “ought to be” and just IS. She is magnificent – the mother of all living – whether they be children or ideas or causes.

cookies, toys, playtime, and why your wife doesn’t respect you

Marriage was a special kind of hell for me, and here’s why:

No matter how hard I tried to make her happy, it never ended well.

It’s not that I married a bad woman – she’s a really good person and a good mother.

I misunderstood the basic dynamics of how grown men and grown women need to deal with each other. Let me give you some background:

As a little boy who was raised in a traditional family (stay at home mom, dad went to work all day), Mom was the gatekeeper for everything I wanted during most of the day.

Cookies.
Toys.
Permission to play with friends.

If I wanted it, Mom would have to grant it.

Our relationship with the parent of the opposite sex as a child, is, for the most part, the template we use to relate to the opposite sex as adults.

As adult men, we still want “cookies”, “toys”, and, to play with our friends.

…. and SEX. Let’s be honest. Sex is the ultimate prize that the woman in your life is the supreme gatekeeper for. If she’s not in the mood to give it to you, you aren’t getting it.

The temptation to do whatever it takes to “make your woman happy” is rooted in the most fundamental drive of our species. A mature, healthy sexual relationship is the supreme challenge and holy grail of human connections, for this reason. It pits you against your strongest impulses – impulses that may not actually serve you well.

In my 20’s, (my married years), I was still operating from this unchanged paradigm from my childhood – “make the woman happy by doing what she says”.

There were many times when my truth was quite different from her truth. I found it really difficult to tell her my personal truth when I felt like it would upset her, and jeopardize my access to cookies, toys, and playtime. This misguided pursuit of “making her happy” led to the decay of our relationship.

I had never been so frustrated and defeated in my life – how in the world could all of my good efforts have led to so much destruction and unhappiness? It caused me to even go so far as to think about suicide. I felt completely broken and hopelessly flawed.

Guys – how many times have you “sacrificed” your personal truth for her, thinking you were acting selflessly?

I can’t speak for you, but I will tell you my experience:

Sacrificing my personal truth to “make her happy” is a supremely selfish and immature act. The only thing motivating it, was my desire to maintain access to cookies, toys, and play time. There’s nothing selfless about it.

She doesn’t want your “obedience”.
She wants your TRUTH.
She wants to be able to trust you.
She wants to feel safe with you.
She wants to know that no matter what crazy mood swing she comes at you with, you will remain stable.
She wants to know that when you are out in the world, you will be the same man she loves at home.

When she can count on you to be real, authentic, and firmly rooted in your own truth – she feels free to be fully feminine.

(By the way fellas – this is why women “put the pants on” in a relationship – if they can’t trust your masculinity, they’ll just do it themselves and drag you along for a while).

A real woman doesn’t want your obedience.
A real woman wants your strength.

You don’t have to be a jerk to be strong in your truths. It’s possible to be kind, AND strong.

That’s the magic combination.

If you think kindness means sacrificing your authentic feelings – you’ve misunderstood the word. You’ll need to learn what true kindness is before you will be able to deeply satisfy a mature, healthy woman.

True kindness is the utmost kind of strength.

Kindness doesn’t’ show up when you are agreeing with each other.
Kindness doesn’t show up when you feel lovey-dovey.
Kindness doesn’t show up when you are in a great mood.

True kindness shows up when you are sick, angry, disappointed, or otherwise really don’t feel like showing up….

…and you do it anyway.

That is serious manly strength.

much love –
Paul Duane

Confessions Of A Boudoir Photographer

For the past decade, I’ve been in the rather odd position of getting paid to have women get naked, or nearly so, in front of my camera. Some are for commercial clients such as hosiery companies. Some are everyday people who want to give sexy photos to someone special as a gift. Sometimes that special someone is themselves.  Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way about myself, people, and life:

  1. _DSC5635watermarkedThere are no perfect bodies. No matter how amazing you think someone looks on the street, those clothes hide some secrets. Everyone, no matter how seemingly perfect, has something that must be “dealt with” either in Photoshop, or in their own mind.
  2. I feel a lot of pressure:  Our society is saturated with images of perfection, and none of us are totally immune to it. I feel a huge responsibility to make my clients look amazing. It’s one thing to  make someone look kind of chubby when they are in their Christmas sweater… it’s another matter when they have put themselves in the most vulnerable spot imaginable: naked in front of a stranger holding a camera. One wrong angle, lighting pattern, or critique of a photo could leave someone worse than I found them. Of course, the opportunity exists to create something that really lifts them up and makes them feel more beautiful. Either way, the fewer clothes, the higher the stakes. It’s a painstaking process.
  3. Everyone wonders if there’s anything sexy happening off camera. The answer is no.
  4. Editorial portraiture is more interesting to me than sexy photos.  Yes, sexy is fun to shoot, absolutely… and expression is even more fun. 
  5. I don’t get hot and bothered over nudity anymore. I love the female form. It is poetic. Like  rock star on stage with a guitar and streaming lights, like the angular Teton Mountains, its curves and texture and mystery begs to be photographed. And sure, I used to be more easily amused when I was a younger man. Now, it’s just part of the job, just another body. There’s one caveat: To my lover, girlfriend or wife: when you share your nakedness with me, with intention, in the context of our love connection, your bare flesh fascinates and excites me endlessly. It’s all about the connection.

    Helmut Newton quote "the photographs don't arouse me"

    Helmut Newton quote “the photographs don’t arouse me”

  6. Sexy is a state of mind. It’s all about feeling gratitude for your physical being. It’s about reveling in your 5 senses. It’s about enjoying your sexual nature without any shame. If you don’t feel sexy, there’s nothing I’ll be able to do photographically to change your mind about that. Please, be nice to yourself. Love yourself. Learn to feel really good in your own skin.
  7. The Last 1o lbs are a lie part 1: Oh, how I wish I could have a dime for every person who has said, “As soon as I lose 10 more pounds, I’m in coming in for photos”.  It never happens. Also, it doesn’t matter because I can sculpt the light and add or subtract “20lbs” from you by moving the light just a few inches.
  8. The Last 1o lbs are a lie part 2: I’ll make this personal, tell me if you can relate. I have often created some kind of line in the sand, a “finish line” of sorts, that when I cross it, I’ll allow myself to be happy / worthy / sexy / whatever/. The line either constantly moves, or when I cross it I find that I’m not much happier than I was before, and create another one to chase after.  Happiness / sexiness / worthiness is something I can give myself permission to feel right now. Today. The second I place it out there in “tomorrow”, I’ve lost a small battle with my own shame. Give yourself permission to be amazing TODAY. You aren’t going to do it tomorrow. I promise. Do it today. Like, right now, while you are reading this.
  9. My mother and I don’t talk about my work.
  10. Being on set is pretty boring.  If you were a fly on the wall, this is what you would see and hear:“Ah, okay… you look gorgeous right there. I love the way your breasts look in that light…”
    [adjust a studio light]”How’s your boyfriend doing these days?”[click, click]
    “Stop! Okay. To the right a little…”
    [try a different f-stop or aperture setting]”Yeah? I bet Hawaii would be an amazing spot for your anniversary”[click]
    “Alright, you look constipated. Breathe a little..”
    [goddammit, my light trigger didn’t work…]
    “Step toward me 3 and a half inches. NO MORE. come, come, come. STOP! Too far… go back. okay, almost there…””Do you think you’ll end up having any kids someday?”
    [hoping we get this shot in before the sun goes down and kills this great window light]
    “Suck in… belly in…. suck ! SUCK IN! HOLD IT… okay… GOOD!”[click click click click]
    [hate having to tell women to suck in their belly even when they don’t seem to have one]”Yeah, I’ve got two daughters, 16 and 18, they are awesome…”
  11. Playboy used to be fun. Now it’s about the articles. And how to properly set up lighting for skin.  Those guys are masters.

    pam5censored

    Not my photo… this glorious capture of the lovely Pamela Anderson was featured in Playboy Magazine in 1994

  12. Being a straight guy is a liability from a marketing perspective. See point #3 again.
  13. I’m in it for the money.  Look. I love photography, but I love riding my motorcycle even more.  If the money is right, I can be talked off of my bike, and into the studio. Regarding boudoir –   I’m really good at it, I create a very comfortable and positive experience for you, and that’s worth a lot of money. Also. Motorcycles are expensive. 😎
  14. I’ve seen lives change because of boudoir photography. One in particular comes to mind. I’ll call her “Rachel”. She entered my studio a plain-jane athletic type on the tail end of a failing marriage. Months later, I met her again. She almost looked like a different person. She was radiant, dressed in sexy, classy feminine ways, carried herself differently, and most importantly, started commanding the respect of people around her. She left her abusive husband, her business started booming, and she attracted an amazing love into her life. She explained, “I didn’t know that I other people could see me like that until I saw it in your studio”. This will forever be one of the high points of my photography career.

No matter what style I’m shooting, my artistic standard is best summed up in the words of Dr. Ferry Porsche, designer of the iconic sports car by the same name:

“If you can create something time cannot erode, something which ignores the eccentricities of particular eras or moments, something truly timeless, this is the ultimate victory.”

 

See more of my boudoir work, click the pretty picture below:

I am currently accepting new portrait commissions, and am available for travel nationwide. Contact me to discuss your photo shoot.

much love –
Paul DuanePaul Duane Photo Logo 2014 BLACK 300 wide300dpi


[recaptcha]

Jamie Maxfield’s 6 kids are no joke

SLC comedian Jamie Maxfield came by to talk shop today. We discussed the merrits of adoption, what it’s like when everyone hates your jokes, and waxed sentimental about Dr. Demento.

jamiemaxfield

 Jamie hosts a monthly comedy show at All Stars Sports Bar & Grill  in Toole.  The next show is on May 3 7pm ; $5 at the door.  He hosts a podcast about comedy writing, “Where’s The Punch Podcast”, available on iTunes.

Check him out online at www.jamiemaxfieldcomedy.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamie.maxfield

Twitter: @jamiemaxfield

A few links from the monologue:

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865600294/Sister-Linda-S-Reeves-Protection-from-Pornography-2-A-Christ-centered-Home.html

http://www.believe.com/articles/The-Idolatry-of-Modesty

A woman’s view on men in hosiery by Nohealani

Whenever I go out in public dressed up in pantyhose & heels, people ask me questions about it.   People wonder if I’m gay or straight, people wonder how it affects my success with women.  Hell, that was one of the most commanding questions of my youth and 20’s:  If I let this cat out of the bag, what would women think of me?  Would I ever be able to get a date, let alone have a relationship or get married?  Much of my intellectual development is due to wrestling with this question. The bottom line, is that everyone is wondering what women think of it.

Today’s post is a guest feature by a woman sharing her perspective on it.  It’s a fascinating read… she talks about it from a fashion, fetish, and relationship perspective.  She gets to the heart of the matter in a rare way.

Nohealani’s article:

*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *PD MH DSC_3808_700wide

“Are there women who like men in pantyhose?”

I will attempt to explain my thoughts on the subject. Obviously, I do not speak for all women. However, pantyhose issue aside, I believe that what I have to say may give a very generalized understanding of what women see in a man–pantyhose or not.

Do I like men in pantyhose? Before I answer that, I want to make clear
that for the few of us women that actually like pantyhose, our reasons are probably very different from the reasons men may like to wear them.

I consider myself to be very perceptive. From what I have gathered in the months that I have been here (and elswhere), it appears that many pantyhose-wearing men wear pantyhose for one or more of the following reasons (excluding any medical reasons):

  • It is a fetish
  • There is some sort of thrill to wearing them in public
  • It is one element of a broader desire to crossdress

Do any of those reasons sound familiar?

I can’t pretend to understand the psychology behind those reasons. However, if it satisfies a certain need, and doesn’t harm anyone, I don’t think it’s bad for a man to wear pantyhose.

So, do I like men in pantyhose?

I debated whether or not to touch this subject. It is not important to reveal what prompted this to become a blog topic. Suffice it to say, I have decided to air my thoughts on the matter because I think it may help some men understand, in some small way, what makes me tick. I think this would also be a good opportunity for me to give some gentle fashion advice to men who may be considering wearing pantyhose publicly.

Those who have read my humble words here on EP already know that I like to wear pantyhose. With that in mind, what I have to say regarding men in pantyhose may surprise you.

I mentioned what I perceive to be the reasons why men like to wear pantyhose are, because I think many pantyhose-wearing men would like to fantasize that women who enjoy pantyhose themselves are somehow “turned on” by the sight of a man in pantyhose. While there may be women like that out there, in my humble opinion, such women are exceedingly rare.

Understand that there is a distinction here between women who are genuinely “turned on,” and women who lovingly accept and indulge their pantyhose-wearing husbands or boyfriends.

It is true that I love pantyhose. But in general, I wouldn’t be “turned on” by seeing a man openly wearing pantyhose in public; it is neither a “turn on” nor a “turn off” in and of itself. If a man were to openly wear pantyhose in public, I would hope that in doing so, such a man isn’t being daft about the look he is trying to achieve. I’m not talking about men who publicly wear pantyhose for shock value, or those who deliberately try to elicit a reaction from other people. I’m talking about men who try to wear pantyhose as part of their normal clothing.

Where I live, I personally haven’t seen any men openly wearing pantyhose in public. I’m not saying there’s anything good or bad about that; it just happens to be the demographic here. This doesn’t necessarily mean that men here don’t wear pantyhose; if they do, it’s probably under their regular clothing, so I would never notice.

However, if I were to come across a man openly wearing pantyhose, how would I react? To be honest, it’s hard to say without ever having confronted such a situation. I imagine I’d probably have mixed feelings about it. The issue isn’t whether or not a man enjoys wearing pantyhose–some men just do. I get that. And, I’d assume it would be for one of the reasons I mentioned previously. I have no problem with the fact that some men like to wear pantyhose.

The real issue for me would probably be that in most cases, it would probably look very odd. From what I gather, it seems to me that many pantyhose-wearing men would like to just throw on a pair of pantyhose, throw on a skirt or some shorts, go walking down the street, and be accepted by everybody.

Understand that most people would be put off by the sight of a man in pantyhose; putting little thought into one’s overall appearance would only serve to further drive public consensus toward the negative. My hope for men who would openly wear pantyhose is that they not get so caught up in the thrill that they lose sight of their overall look. Done smartly, properly shaved, and with great care and coordination, I do believe it is possible for a man to achieve a stylish look with fashionable hosiery. If a man wishes to openly wear pantyhose in public, I feel that he is obliged to show some class and sensibility when assembling his outfit.

Why such a high standard for men? Because there is basically no paradigm for such accessorization for men. I instinctively know how to coordinate pantyhose with my own outfits. In contrast, I have no point of reference when it comes to incorporating pantyhose into men’s daily attire. I do have a general idea of what might look good or bad. Even so, it is hard to say without actually seeing it in practice. Thus, I feel the safest place to start in terms of attire would have to be the most conservative.

As I’ve said before, I have no problem with the fact that a man might want to wear pantyhose. But if he is going to wear them in an unfashionable manner while in public, I have no desire to see it. Mind you, the same goes for women, as they are sometimes just as guilty. (In fact, some women may be even worse–since they are women, they think they can get away with anything.) The point here is that I just don’t care to observe pantyhose (or any other) fashion blunders–in men or women–because it demonstrates a lack of care or self-awareness in one’s personal appearance.

Fashion considerations aside, I am sure that some men would have great legs in pantyhose. But as I have mentioned earlier, the wearing of pantyhose in and of itself is neither a “turn on” nor a “turn off.” In my view, a man’s attractiveness inherently exists within him regardless of what he is wearing. If I find a man appealing, it’s not just because he’s dressed a certain way. A man’s personality, sensitivity, intelligence, and god-given appearance are what make him attractive. Clothing can enhance a man’s appeal, but will never form the basis for it.

It is probably no surprise that, yes, my husband does wear pantyhose. I will only reveal that:

  • I accept and love him completely
  • We thoroughly enjoy the time we spend together in pantyhose
  • His only desire is to wear pantyhose; he is not a full-blown cross dresser
  • He does not wear pantyhose openly in public; they are always hidden beneath his regular clothing
  • He is very considerate; he doesn’t allow pantyhose to dominate his mood or thoughts, and understands that sometimes it’s better to leave them aside

The remaining details of our relationship are not relevant to this discussion.

I mentioned my husband because there is a certain duality with my attitude towards pantyhose-wearing men. Do I find my husband appealing? Definitely. Even in pantyhose? Yes, but not because he is wearing pantyhose. I find him very sexy, but it’s everything about him, not the fact that he wears a certain piece of clothing.

True, I happen to think my husband looks really good in pantyhose. Of course, since he doesn’t wear them openly, he doesn’t need to match them with his outfits. Thus, in the privacy of our own home, he looks good in virtually any kind of pantyhose.

Admittedly, I am sure a lot of my biased perception stems from the immense love we have for each other. So, is this a double standard? Absolutely not! It is completely natural to be wholly enamored with the one you love. Traits that you look upon with ambivalence in other people are seen under a very different light with your loved one. That is the nature of love; it cannot be rationalized. If you truly love your partner, you will know exactly what I am talking about.

And, if you are completely committed to your spouse, nobody will light your fire in quite the same way that he or she does. I admit that sometimes, other “handsome” men may catch my eye; but that’s all they are–eye candy. The only man that “does it” for me is my man–whether or not he is in pantyhose.

On a final note, I must point out to pantyhose-wearing men who have accepting wives that there is a difference between loving your wife, and loving your wife because she wears pantyhose or accepts your wearing of pantyhose. This is something I hope to address in a future post.

– Nohea

*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

Nohealani’s original post can be seen here: http://nohealani.blogs.experienceproject.com/672008.html

Every week I put out a newsletter with tips and stories about living the authentic life. Subscribe here:

Why I suck at online dating

I have no idea.

I used to meet A LOT  of women online. I am still great friends with many of them. Some of my favorite dating experiences have come from dating sites.  That was a few years ago, though.  I attracted a divorce into my life by being an immature milquetoast.  I attracted another relationship into my life that ended in huge amounts of betrayal and profound heartbreak.  I don’t blame these women for my problems – I attracted and welcomed them into my life.  I was the problem.  I decided to get serious about improving my character, social skills, and confidence so that I could have a different experience with women. I became a student of many dating gurus and personal development coaches.  I learned a tremendous amount about myself and my relationship to the world, including the opposite sex.  As I progressed in that realm, I also found that I began sucking more and more at online dating.

Here we are today:  I suck SO bad, it’s hard to look myself in the mirror. I cannot get a woman to respond to me unless I write something really offensive,  condescending and mean to her.  I’m not kidding. I’ve tried every approach. (case in point: the recipient of this email wrote me back last night. It wasn’t nice).

It seems like every time I write a profile for Match.com, PlentyofFish.com, or even LDSLinkup.com (remind me to tell you my favorite joke about mormon girls), I re-read it the next day and am struck at what a retarded fuck-wad douche bag I sound like. SO, I revise… and revise… and revise… and revise… and revise… and revise… and revise… and revise… and ever time I am blown away at my own incompetency at portraying myself in these little boxes they provide for you to fill out. I try being very thoughtful and structured about it.  I try relaxing and joking around. Sometimes I have a “I don’t give a shit” attitude and just write a new profile while I’m too drunk, high, or exhausted to be overly self analytical.

…too earnest.

…too cocky.

…too nerdy.

…too obscure.

….too metaphorical.

…too literal.

…too heady.

…too long.

.,.too short.

…too edgy.

…too mainstream.

…too serious.

…too ambitious.

….too chill.

…too jokey.

…too much.

…too little.

My dear friend Michelle said something to me recently that has been ricocheting around in my head for a few days:

“You know yourself better than anyone I know. Maybe too well.  Maybe that’s your problem.  Maybe you need to just dumb down and think you are awesome like the rest of us.”

 

Fuck.

 

 

I do a little better when meeting girls in person, but not much.  That’s a topic for another day…

Sometimes I just want to play on the computer and meet girls while drinking a beer in my underwear. Is that so much to ask??

Shallow 34 yr old man seeks hottie in late 20’s

*** EDITOR’S NOTE ***
I wrote the following post on a whim. I was short on sleep, patience, and… lots of things. I have since discovered some remarkable women on said dating website. I may even have a lunch date coming up with one of them. Many beautiful, interesting, seemingly compelling women out there. The real problem, it turns out, is me. I wink, I email, I etc, etc etc…. and I can scarcely get the time of day from any of them. I know, many of you will read the following post and say,
“Well, obviously, it’s because you are a shallow jerk”.
I know that about myself already.
That has never stopped a guy from dating interesting women. I see it all the time.
I digress. Rather than remove this post, I decided to leave it up. There is part of me in it. There is something real about it, and, real is good. Just know that I’ve had a slice of humble pie and things are better now.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Okay. So you know how dating sites have quizzes that you take in order for them to better match you up to other members?

WHY IS IT THAT AFTER I TAKE THE QUIZZES, THEY START THROWING THE FUCKING UGLIEST GIRLS ON THE WHOLE INTERNET AT ME???????

WHAT THE FUCK????

It just happened AGAIN. When I signed on to Match.com last night, I was very impressed at all of the really pretty girls that were coming up.

I took the initial quiz.

AND WOULDN’T YOU KNOW IT…. it was like a god damn Miss Homely America pageant on my screen!

FUCK this shit! HONESTLY!

Ok Cupid is just as offensive to me. I swear my other friends get interesting, hot women suggested to them as matches. BUT NOOOOO…… not me.

Look, I might seem like a kind, tolerant, open minded guy who can love a woman for who she is on the inside, BUT I’M NOT.

I AM A SHALLOW, HORNY, VISUALLY STIMULATED MAN. HOW CAN I COMMUNICATE THIS TO THESE FUCKING RETARDED ASS WEBSITES??????

Look, I know some of you may be saying, “Well, Paul, you aren’t exactly Tom Cruise yourself…”
FUCK YOU. I have dated gorgeous women. Chances are, my ex girlfriends are FAR hotter than you, or if you are a guy, any girl you’ve ever been with. The question is no longer “can I get a hot girl”, the question is, “where is the next one”.

Okay. I’ll calm down and be honest. I really do want to date women who have brains, heart and soul. AND HOTNESS.

That’s all I’ve got for now.