Comedy. Period.

While I was at the comedy club tonight, I got a call from my former wife’s house.  I ran out and took the call; it was my 10 yr old daughter.  “Dad, can I talk to you about something for a second?”  She was clearly upset.

“You know we were talking about dreams the other day, and how sometimes dreams seem so real, you can’t tell if they really happened or not?”


Her voice started to tremble and crack as she proceeded: “I had a dream last night and I think it might have been kind of inappropriate…   and I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I told my friend Haley, and Haley told her sister, and her sister told Makinley, and Makinley told Mom…”   By this point she was sobbing.

I’m wondering what in the world she dreamed about.  This must have been a crazy dream. Was she having dreams about killing kittens? Blowing her PE teacher? Setting the house on fire while her mother is asleep?

“Kelley belly, you can tell me anything. What was your dream?”

By this point she was in full cry / sob mode.

“I had a dream that I had my period while I was in the shower”

“ooookay….” I responded, wondering if this was all there was to it. 

“….and now I’m worried that Mom won’t let me have any sleepovers this summer”

[sob sob sob]

“I don’t want to be a disgrace to the family.”

[more sobbing]

I’m standing in the lobby of the comedy club, hearing this from Makelle in one ear, and in my other ear, I hear a local comic on stage joking about the virtues of pedophilia, hating jews, and comparing gay sex to an ice cream sundae.

Makelle, this is what your dad does for work. Relax.
Nothing like a little "Fuck You Paul Duane" to bring pride to the family.

“Makelle, you have nothing to worry about…”

I assured her that periods are totally normal and healthy, that there is nothing to be ashamed of, and that having a dream about a period is completely normal.  I went over this many times, and told her how proud I am to be her dad.  She calmed down.

She obviously knows nothing about what her Daddy does for work or what he’s about to say on stage…

Someday she’ll learn: her daddy has the disgrace thing totally covered.


Leave a Reply

You May Also Like