“Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.”

– Gore Vidal

I never knew how hard it can be to have “style”.  There are moments when I sit down to write,  I realize that there is some deeper truth turning my gears that day, but for some reason I’ve restricted my own access to it. I have a hard time being truly honest with myself, and therefore, everything that I say here is just banal bullshit.

I try not to write when that happens.

I’m having one of those  moments right now though. I have a lot on my mind, to be sure, but I’m really having a hard time getting real with you right now.  I’m pretty sure that’s the only thing you come here for. Angry rants painted in broad strokes about religion, relationships, the government, etc, are a $0.10 / dozen.

I’m reading a book right now called “Hilarity Ensues” by Tucker Max.  In his own words:

“My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way. I share my adventures with the world. They are known as…The Tucker Max Stories”

Tucker Max author of "I hope they serve beer in hell"
Tucker Max, author of "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" and "Assholes Finish First"

In “Hilarity Ensues”, Tucker talks about the greatest lesson he learned about women during a summer in Cancun.  These lessons apply to the rest of the human experience,  too. Regarding his efforts to sleep with more women:

  1. ” Complete honesty worked way better… By being honest with myself about what I wanted, it freed me up to be honest and direct with girls. And as a result, I got way more pussy with much less effort.
  2.  Don’t’ worry about results, just have fun. Once I combined those two things: complete honesty, and not caring about results, the world changed overnight.”

– Tucker Max

That being said, I have achieved a tiny bit of clarity.  I want to make a life doing the things I am most fascinated with, the things I’m joyously up to my eyeballs in. I want to play for all of my days, and I want that play to somehow translate into creating value for other people so that I can live on it, too. *  There you go. I just told you one of my most vulnerable truths.  Don’t even bother criticizing it or making fun of it, because I’ve beat you to it.  A huge part of me is afraid that this is a ridiculous day dream. Stay tuned for my next blog post on being addicted to struggle.  That’s another topic for another day.

much love –

Paul Duane

 

* for those of you interested, I read a blog post some time ago that impacted me BIG TIME on this topic. The author talks about the power of giving up, and just giving in to your true nature. Here it is, if that idea speaks to you: http://www.clay-collins.com/blog/about-clay-collins-my-story/

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