I woke up this morning from a very tense dream. I don’t have “nightmares”, I just have really tense dreams.  Why does this matter?  For the past 5 – 10 years, I would *rarely* remember my dreams. Most nights it felt like I never had them.  When I did recall a dream, it was always something mundane like doing laundry or buying white bread at wal mart.  Throughout most of my 20’s and particularly for the last 4 years, I have operated on a steady diet of sleep deprivation.  During my 4 years at USPS, I slept for no more than 4 hours  / night.   Now that I’m self employed I set my own hours. I’ve made sleep more of a priority. Most mornings, I forgo the alarm and wake when I feel like it,  never sleeping  more than 6 or 7 hours.  Some may look at my “schedule” and call it sloth, I call it a time of much needed healing.  Let’s get on with the stupid dream that I woke from this morning:

I was in a place that was a combination of a train station, concert hall, and high school.  It was a large, spacious building with extremely high ceilings, marble floors, and the lighting was sparse and moody.
I went to use the bathroom and some dude beat me to the toilet. The stall wall was peculiar,  it simultaneously existed and did not exist. At any rate, I was watching him sit on the toilet, eyes closed, a look of tension and deep focus on his face.  Though his mouth wasn’t moving, I could hear his inner voice in my head so clearly, as if he was speaking. This guy was in pain. “No, nooo… please! Please make it stop, please!!!!!”   He was begging for mercy, having the worst shit of his life.  He was whimpering and whining,  in so much pain.  His voice was so clear and audible to me, I had to look at him multiple times to see if his mouth was moving, but it was not.  I had become 100% telepathic with this shitting guy. I was amazed but mostly disturbed and confused as to how to help him, so I just slowly walked away.

As I walked out of the bathroom I found one of the people from the staff of this place in a strange situation.  2 women were sitting down at a restaurant booth, and she was standing in front of them. She said to me, “Hey, can you come over and help with this situation?” In a pleasant but somewhat urgent voice. As I got closer, I found that the older of the two women had pulled a gun and had it pointed at the staff member. It Looked like a small .38 semi auto pistol. The staff member was trying to wrestle it out of the woman’s hands. As I got close, I saw what was going on, and the older woman (who had the advantage in this scenario) then pointed the gun at me, the staff member’s hands still wrapped around the woman’s hands, trying to perhaps pry the gun from her.  The older woman was smiling, seemed relaxed, and only mildly irritated that the staff member’s efforts to disarm her.  I had not been through my concealed weapons class yet, but I did have my Glock 36 with me.  Things got really simple for a second: No way am I going to let this stupid old bitch ruin my life or anyone else’s.  It was a knee jerk reaction: I see a barrel pointed at me, so I drew my loaded & chambered Glock and took aim at her.  I’m one finger squeeze away from a life altering (or life saving) event.   I’m not so sure she’s about to pull her trigger. I yell at her, “Drop your gun now!” and she just kind of smiles , slightly chuckles and keeps it sighted on me.  The seconds seemed to turn into hours. I could not decide if I should shoot her.  I was having a tremendously hard time assessing the threat. She could, after all, at any second , kill me and / or the staff member. Should I take that chance?  Why would I put my life in this woman’s hands, and allow her to take it?  She is only 5 or 6 feet away, and I’m super accurate at that distance, I could snuff her out in an instant and make this whole situation safe.  But I don’t understand how it happened in the first place. And now that I’ve drawn on her, and she’s drawn on me, it doesn’t seem like this is going to end without someone shooting the other…. and I can’t quite justify pulling the trigger quite yet… but that could change in a fraction of a second…

….and in the middle of this deliberation, I woke up.

Okay, all of you dream analyzers.  What do you think this means?

In other news, I made a new business contact recently. It’s complicated because on the surface, this person is very congenial and likeable. My intuition screams at me that this potential client is deceptive and should be avoided. Part of me wants to just drop it and walk away immediately.  Another part of me is painfully aware  that there is a list of people whom I now absolutely love, that I initially was very put off by.   I’m right about people 98.4% of the time, but the mistaken 1.6%  contains some of the best gold in my life. I’m grateful to the powers that be, that I somehow took a second look at the 1.6%.   I am in a constant state of struggle with my intuition.  It seems that life is always teaching me lessons on how amazing and trustworthy it is, while simultaneously reminding me to always question it.

Where is truth?

🙁

 

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