will bacon go out of style in 2013?


People really love bacon!

Bacon has spiritual implications.

Bacon helps prevent STD’s and babies.

Bacon can cure wounds.

Bacon can help defend freedom.

No matter what your lifestyle is, there’s a bacon for you:

It even has it’s roots in higher education:  “Push Button, Receive Bacon” is a catchphrase often found in public restrooms under graphic instructions typically found on hand dryers. The phrase’s earliest documentation defacing a hand dryer dates back to August 2004, found at Brigham Young University in Utah. Since, the squiggly red lines that represent warm air in pictorial instructions have become synonymous with bacon.

But seriously folks…

Memes drive me nuts. They are funny for about 7 seconds, After that, they are evidence that most people are, intellectually speaking, nothing but:

Prior to 2008, people did not give a shit about bacon. It was merely greasy stuff that showed up next to your mediocre pancakes at IHOP.  Google even proves it. Prior to 2008, people really didn’t care about bacon. Check out this graph showing the number of bacon oriented searches on Google over the years (searches for actor Kevin Bacon have been removed from the stats)

See? Look at all of that don’t-give-a-shit-ness. What happened? Where were all the bacon devotees in 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004?  You know Jana from HR at the office, the one that makes a bacon lover joke on every company memo? Where was she before bacon became so popular?   Dancing cat videos. That’s where.

But it’s 2012 people. Things are different nowadays.  Proudly proclaiming your undying love affair with greasy strips of fried fat is SO in vogue. It’s a short cut to being funny and cool. Come on! All the cool kids are talking about bacon. You should do it to!  People write plays about bacon, take bacon on vacation, have torrid love affairs with it, tweet about it, and even marry it. Even people that love things that are ACTUALLY GOOD and worthy of distinction, don’t talk about their food fetish like the bacon beaters do.  What other edible substance has enjoyed such a brainless celebration on social media for the last several years?  And besides, without artificial smoke flavoring, bacon wouldn’t even taste good. Hooray for artificial smoke flavoring!

It’s time to take a stand! It’s time to rise against the brain-bored bacon masses!

You and I both know that the pigs would want it this way.






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