Q&A: Halloween, Straight guys and Dresses

Time for some Crossdresser Q&A:

David from Provo writes:

“I’m a straight white married mormon guy. I’m well respected at home, at work, and at church. Even though I’m straight, I’ve always wanted to express my feminine side but am afraid of what people will think, being a straight guy and all. Any advice?”

For closeted crossdressers like you, David, There is one time of year that you can dress up in all of girly things and maintain your manly dignity with some plausible deniability.


The possibilities are endless! You can be a slutty librarian, a slutty Laura Croft Tomb Raider, or a slutty flight attendant though – stay away from the slutty airline captain. That would be super gay.

If you are serious about staying off the gaydar, this is the No Homo Bro Golden Rule:

Dress like the person you are hoping to fornicate with. This rule applies to the gays and the straights equally.

Sure, some amateurs out there might accuse you of being gay when you show up to the office party dressed like a slutty (ier) version of Miley Cyrus… but I assure you:

Walk into a gay club in your Miley get-up, and all of the pro homos will leave you alone, for the most part. They get it.  Show up as a sexy Billy Ray Cyrus, however….  

When you go shopping, Don’t buy ALL of the size 13 high heels, though. You’ll look like Miami resident stocking up on a month’s worth of food to prepare for the landfall of Hurricane RuPaul.

Your make life hard for normal, full time crossdressers like me when you buy up all of the nylons and heels in large sizes that really only fit men. Take it easy bro.

Try shopping online. Aside from her birthday and Valentine’s Day, this is the one time of year your wife can catch you perusing Fredericks of Hollywood.com.

You can just tell your woman, “Hey baby, it’s for halloween. I’m going to the church halloween party as a slutty nun. “

Other times of year, you’ve gotta either go incognito (which I’m sure you are totally pro at, by now) or every now and then all of those hours of perusing the the plus size section of Victoria’s Secret and Lane Bryant.com  – you’ve gotta produce something for her.  I’m thinking, for every 10 hours you spend internet window shopping for yourself, you’d better click “buy” on something in her size, bro.

The year is long though, fellas, and should you find yourself shopping for a new skirt in the middle of summer, craft your alibi from the words of Gandhi:  “it’s for my wife”.

Have a question that you want me to weigh in on? Go here. Pour your heart out. 

Tune in to the ALT 101.9 Morning Show from 6-10 AM Mon-Fri. Great stuff.





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