Every time I create or attract something wonderful into my life, I go looking for a cross to climb up on, to prevent myself from just ENJOYING the beauty of what’s been given to me. I can’t seem to deal with 100% bliss. 99%, I can handle pretty well. 96%, even better. I do really well at the 95% level. That’s comfort. Lots of joy, and just enough pain to keep it real. I need a little garnish of suffering or guilt or something… ANYTHING… What’s my problem? Why can’t I just fucking ENJOY the pleasures of life? How did this stupid chorus of voices get implanted into my head?
“You really gonna do that?”
“People your age don’t do that.”
“You do realize that next week you might think differently about this”
“That’s irresponsible. I don’t care if 90% of people your age would give their left eyeball to do what you’re about to do… it’s not okay for YOU to do it.”
“You really ought to be _________ right now instead.”
“There’s work to be done still. You could be (insert some menial matter of minutia here) right now, and you probably OUGHT to be, before you let yourself relax.”
“You shouldn’t be enjoying yourself until you are PERFECT.”
Can you relate? Hopefully not. 🙂
I’m making some big changes. I’m not entirely sure where they will lead me, other than, it’s going to be brilliant*. The show is going to get even better, comedy will be more fun, hell, I might even figure out how to take a decent photograph. Stay tuned.
* 98.75% guaranteed
