good night

It’s my weekend to have my daughters visiting. I don’t know why exactly, but I’ve been looking forward to this visit unusually so.

As I tucked them into bed tonight, I helped them get drinks of water… I put on a CD of lullabies and primary songs on repeat to softly serenade them through the night. Lastly, I hunched over the bed to tell each one goodnight. I leaned over and hugged Kinley through her blankets, and whispered to her, “You are my favorite big girl in the whole wide world, Kinley-kinley-bo-binley”. She hunkered down even deeper into the blankets and pillow, clearly feeling wonderfully cozy and uniquely satisfied. I then moved over to Makelle’s side of the bed, similarly hugged her through the blankets, whispered sweet-daddy-nothings into her drowsy ears, kissed her on the cheek, and softly caressed her pony-tailed brown locks. As I cupped the better part of her little head in my expansive hand, softly scratching and massaging the back of her scalp, I could see a smile emerge on her sleepy face that told me a hundred bedtime stories…

…this is the moment she has been living for, all week long.

If there is a God in heaven, I’m sure I just tasted the bittersweet nature of a diety father in the most miniscule of microcosm – the pain of separation from my dear children, layered with the unspeakable sweetness of witnessing thier satisfaction and almost visceral joy at our occasional reuniting. God, I don’t really know if you are there – I think you understand why I wonder.

But if you are…

I don’t know how you do it.

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