What made Jesus the Ultimate Ladies Man?

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What made Jesus the Ultimate Ladies Man?

Jessica Wise

founder – The Litas

Devin Townsend

recording artist

Pat Bagley

Pulitzer finalist political cartoonist

Sean Whalen

men’s coach

Robert Clark

National Geographic photographer

Kurt Bestor

Composer, pianist, trumpet player Kurt Bestor

composer

Richard Dutcher

black and white portrait of filmmaker Richard Dutcher

filmmaker

Marianne Willamson

author & spiritual teacher

Steven Wilson

Grammy nominated musician & producer

Peter Breinholt

Singer / songwriter Peter Breinholt photographed by Paul Duane

singer / songwriter

Genpo Roshi

black and white portrait of Zen Master Genpo Roshi

Zen Master Genpo Roshi

 

….According to my friends.

Timothy Smith, Kelly Boyce, Charlynn Hamaker, Marc Hanson, Steve Conlin, Jake Garn, Ashley Bracy, Richard Dutcher, Dr. Pam Gurley, Brandon Lee, Steve Urquhart, Patrick Williams, Bethany Schrader

We all suspect Jesus being a champion with the ladies… on today’s episode, 12 of my friends weigh in on what made him such a hit with women.

I couldn’t have done it without you

Okay everyone. I’m going to wander into crazy town while on this post. I’m not taking a position, but rather, thinking out loud so a few of my trusted friends can read this and talk with me about it.  If you didn’t bring your waders today, you should probably not read this.

“You can stake that claim, good work is the key to good fortune. Winners take that praise, losers seldom take that blame”. – Neil Peart, “Roll The Bones”

Sports fans are funny. Listen to them talk about the last big game their favorite team played. If the team won, the pronoun will be 1st person: “We won!” If the team lost, it will be in the 3rd person: “They played so poorly.”  It is human nature to want to take personal credit for success, and displace responsibility for failure.

Go deep with me for a second. There are probably things in your life you feel like shit about. Most of us have some event that we were involved in, that ended very poorly. I certainly do.  There are bad things in my past that I still crucify myself over, even though a) it was an accident, and b) I’ve done my best to make it right. Do you have anything similar?

To paraphrase my friend Jake – “The mythology of Mormonism is really interesting. The structure of the church, I have some problems with…”

Allow me to put on my mormon hat for a moment:

In LDS mythology, before the creation of the Earth, all the spirits that would potentially inhabit the earth gathered to discuss how to make the next step forward in becoming more like their creator, God the Father.  A mortal existence, complete with all of it’s messiness and quandaries, was deemed a necessary learning stage. The Earth was created. God understood that we would need some help sorting things out. Two of the most advanced spirits emerged as candidates to come to Earth and help the human family. 

One said he would come down and keep everyone on track. His idea was to essentially force everyone to make the “right” choices.  He did not plan on giving any credit to the boss / creator of this whole situation; He wanted all of the credit and glory for getting the job done correctly.  This character is known as Lucifer.

Another similarly advanced spirit proposed another option: everyone would be born into Earth life. The “right” answers would not be forced upon anyone. All spirits would be given agency to do whatever they please. He would come down amidst the resulting chaos and try to offer some guidance. Ultimately, it would be up to everyone to decide for themselves what they wanted to do.  Some would make better choices than others.  For those that DID make “good” choices resulting in spiritual progression, this character did not intend on taking any credit.  He would just pass that glory along to God, the Father.  His ego was not caught up in the process.  He recognized that his is a separate being from everyone else, and that no matter how helpful he was, ULTIMATELY, he cannot control anyone.  And therefore he should not take credit for anyone’s good, or bad, decisions.

What would motivate such a stance?  Maybe he thought, “Well, God, you made them.  If it goes well, YOU get the credit.  If it doesn’t, it’s still your problem, and I’ll try to help out with that, but ultimately, it’s still not my problem.  I’ll go down and help out as much as I can, but ultimately this is YOUR gig.” 

The legend goes, that this person ends up making a huge sacrifice for and in behalf of everyone who ended up needing help. But why would he do this? Because he really loved everyone that much?   The only people who insist on telling this story, also happen to have a collection plate circulating around as they tell the story.  It’s rare to hear anyone tell the story that doesn’t have some kind of financial connection to it, along with a claim to having some authority as a gatekeeper to this good grace that was given. Show me the people who tell this story and also have zero financial interest in it, and I’ll listen.

Oh yeah. This aforementioned person is commonly referred to as Jesus Christ.

I digress.

At this stage, this mythology is interesting to me because at it’s root, it is about human pride, and suggests that it is an impediment to learning, growing, and progressing to become more powerful and more like God that created us all. 

Again, paraphrasing my friend Jake: “Taking credit for all of the good things that we do is a sin of pride.  Taking credit for all of the bad things that we do, is a sin of pride.”

….aaaaand this is the part where I get stuck.  I get confused with the supposed virtue of taking responsibility for my actions, vs this idea that insisting on taking credit for them is a sin of pride. 

Am I just too proud to accept help?

Is “pride” really just a false belief that I don’t deserve help?  That I’m not worthy of help?  Because many times in life, I have a hard time accepting help, whether it be help in getting dinner ready, financial help from my parents, etc.  Is it the same reason that I sometimes have a hard time accepting compliments? Is it really just a deep rooted disdain for my core essence? **

And if God really did create me – and I think so poorly of myself – I’m really just insulting the chef, ya know?

Insulting the chef is shitty manners.

Maybe Jesus came here just to teach us some manners….

…to give glory to The Father.

Because if there is a God, and if that God is our father / creator,  it would behoove you and I to just calm the fuck down and accept his help, because that guy is LOADED. 

Maybe God is like the ultimate rich uncle, and Jesus is like our attorney that is trying to talk some sense into us, so that we’ll stop refusing his help.

I dunno.

Is that all this is?  Part of me thinks that this whole God / Jesus thing may really be that simple.

 

** I’d like to thank all of my primary teachers, sunday school teachers, scout leaders, seminary teachers, my parents, my grandparents, thousands of sacrament meeting speakers, and a lot of the mainstream media for instilling this belief that I’m inherently flawed. Truly, I couldn’t have done it without you.  And maybe this is part of the reason I need to calm the fuck down and let myself off the hook.

Maybe we as humans NEED a myth that is larger than life to belief in, in order to transcend the very forces that brought us into physical existence, fed us, raised us, and are almost wholly responsible for who we are today.  This isn’t to say that Jesus is or isn’t real… I’m just considering if Jesus is USEFUL.

What concierge did you take advice from?

Let’s talk about your next vacation.  You arrive in a new city. You could hit all of the tourist spots that the hotel concierge sends you to, or you could set out by yourself, get lost, and immerse yourself in this new place.

Which will you do?  The tourist spots are pre-programmed, measured doses of sterilized reality. They are like artificial cherry flavored candy: It has a cherry on the package, but it tastes NOTHING like a real cherry.

Going out on your own WILL bring the unknown. It could be boring. It could be exciting. Maybe even too exciting, if you end up in the wrong neighborhood.  You will, however, be in a position to experience the new city in an authentic way that the tourist traps could never begin to offer you.

Life is full of concierges that are more than willing to suggest interesting things for you to see and do while you are here as a human on planet Earth. Just like hotel concierges, these also earn some kind of kick back when you do what they say ( but that’s another topic for another day).  What are the tourist traps of life… those things that everyone says, “Oh, you simply MUST do this!”  “You can’t miss it” “You’ll regret it if you don’t _______ while you are here!” “Everyone loves __________, you really need to check it out”.

  • jobs
  • religions
  • political parties
  • keeping up with the Jones’s
  • family traditions

The late, and great, Bill Hicks gave an iconic monologue about the desire we all feel to follow the advice of the concierge:

The world is like a ride at an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it, you think it’s real because that’s how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round; it has thrills and chills and it’s very brightly colored and it’s very loud and it’s fun… for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: “Is this real, or is this just a ride?” And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, and they say, “Hey – don’t worry, don’t be afraid -EVER- because, this is just a ride.” And we… KILL those people HAHAHA! “Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride – SHUT HIM UP! Look at my furrows of worry! Look at my big bank account, and my family! This just HAS to be real!”… But it’s just a ride. And we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok? Jesus – murdered; Martin Luther King – murdered; Malcolm X – murdered; Gandhi – murdered; John Lennon – murdered; Reagan… wounded HAHA! But it doesn’t matter because: It’s just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here’s what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride: Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defense each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, NOT ONE HUMAN BEING EXCLUDED, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

Ditch the tour group you came with.
Rent a bike.
Go for a ride.
Get lost.
Try to figure out the language with a native.
Have an experience.
Rely on the kindness of strangers to help point you in the direction of the things you need: food, water, and dry place to sleep.
Trust your instincts to find order in the chaos.
Put one foot in front of the other. Only concern yourself with making sure that you execute that footstep very well. Keep doing this over and over, and you’ll arrive someplace glorious… this is the basis of my faith and movement through life. I’ll keep you posted on how that’s working out. Keep me posted on yours, too.

Perhaps this is what Jesus Christ meant when he said,

25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Matthew 6:25-43