style

24sept2014_122_edit_cropped

I guess you could say I’ve always been a leg man…

1510577_1418382851763579_7471153023903078428_nMy name is Paul Duane. I’m a radio personality, comic, and photographer based in Salt Lake City, Utah.  I’m fairly well known for my gender – blending style, typically wearing a man’s dress shirt, tie, blazer, dress shorts, (or skirt), pantyhose, and high heels.

WHY would you ever CHOOSE to leave the house looking like that when you’ve got perfectly good jeans & boots sitting in the closet?

There are several reasons. I’ve written a few short essays explaining it all:

You can also check out this interview on Park City TV where I explain it all:

Steve-Jobs-Follow-Your-Heart

A few closing thoughts:

There has been a lot of press lately about men wearing nylons / tights / pantyhose / heels. There are some websites out there that actively advocate it as a fashion for men.  I think the whole movement is kind of silly. I’m not saying that anyone else should do this, too – I’m just saying that it’s what works for me.

Steve Jobs, women, and taoism aside:  This is about living authentically.  It’s about being honest with yourself, coming to a clear understanding of your own personal truths, and then living them without asking anyone for permission, and making no apologies for doing so.

Go ahead and admit how you really feel about politics. Religion. Spinach. Your secret love of Kenny Loggins.  Admit it to yourself, then admit it to those with a need to know (this list is usually very short).  Then have the courage to let go of those who would chide you for your preferences.  They’ve been holding you back from becoming the best version of you that you can be.

I hope we can all work toward living in 100% harmony with what you feel inside.  I believe that this is the foundation upon which truly great art,  friendships, businesses, careers, and love affairs are built upon. If me showing up to a date, party, or meeting dressed in tights & heels can embolden someone else to live more authentically the next day, I feel I’ve accomplished my mission.

Much love -

Paul Duane

 

Short URL: http://goo.gl/Or5Vg

49 Comments

  1. I am still in the shadows. I have loved wearing pantyhose and tights since I can remember. I told my wife in 2009 and she was mortified and thought (and still thinks) I was gay. I hid it from her , wore my preferred legwear in discreet public places,wearing ladies shorts and, otherwise male clothing. I felt like “me”. I don’t want to lose my family, but my wife will leave if this current round of therapy does not ” cure” me. I love my family, but I have a visceral feeling of wonder when I put on quality legwear on my smooth legs. It is a painful journey.

    • Wow. You have quite a dilemma on your hands. I’v dealt with similar fears and pressures, although no two cases are identical. I feel for you. The deep desire to live with authenticity is a universal one. Even as you go through this struggle with your wife, keep in mind that even she, at some deep down level, yearns to live with total authenticity. You two have THAT in common, and I think that if you can at least bear that in mind as you negotiate these marital issues, it will serve you well. I commend you for having the guts to share your situation in a public forum like this. I don’t have all of the answers for you, but if there is anything I can do to help you along your way, don’t hesitate to get back in touch.

      • Tahnk you fo rhte encouraging words. Living authentically is something that can be difficult, especially in cases like mine. My kids MAY be understanding about it, but Mom is definitely not. I have done a lot of thinking about it and it’s not so much about being a crossdresser (wings/makeup are not interesting to me at all), but being able to wear what I want. A sweater dress with low boots and OPAQUE tights looks so invitingly comfortable.
        It boils down to suppressing it (which, I am beginning to accept, will not work) or lie until I get caught again(MAJOR blowout argument, resulting in her leaving)…OR…be honest, to the detriment of my close family and HOPE that she moves to a level of acceptance/understanding, even if we are separate.
        I can find more friends, but family is a tough call.

        • Thanks for taking a moment to share your experience. I’m not going to pretend to have the right answer for you, because I think the “right” answer is deeply personal and only you know it. Play with this idea: Is it possible that your brewing conflict over this is not really about how thick your socks are? Could this be a symptom of a deeper, more fundamental problem in your marriage? In my experience, healthy relationships simply mold and adapt to the evolving style of each partner, they don’t put up walls. I’m guessing that there are some other areas in your marriage that are less than satisfying, too. It might be worth examining the fundamentals of your marriage before you worry too much over the impending conflict over what outfit you want to wear today. I hope you’ll stay in touch; I am deeply interested in relationships that are confronting these sorts of issues.

          • Before I write more, thank you again for corresponding with me…at this point, its not so much that I am seeking answers but just sorting through this difficult situation and other perspectives, such as yours, are quite helpful.
            In my opinion, you are right…it’s not about tights/pantyhose with skirts/shorts. There are some real communication problems that are persistent. My feeling is that its about acceptance and empathy. It;s been nothing but anger ever since I told her and interrogations after that. Why is it that I cannot enjoy the clothing choices that she has?
            I think every man who has struggled with this can agree that society, at large, can be rough on those of us who “take the road less traveled”, but I am OK with that. Surprisingly, the few times I was out (shorts/tights and male shirt) I actually received more compliments than sneers. I think people do admire the courage of a person who says “F%$k it!” and does what he/she WANTS to do.

            Thanks again for reading,
            I am beginning to think that therapy isn’t going to “fix” this.

          • Again, I am not going to be so bold as to say that any of this MUST apply to you – these are just a few things I’ve experienced:
            1. When a woman is truly in love with a man and feels really secure in the relationship, she will find virtually any of his idiosyncrasies to be endearing. Including enjoying wearing nontraditional things.
            2. When you understand what it means to ROCK an outfit – to wear it boldly, to really OWN it when you walk out the door – you will get tons of compliments.

            Here’s where I am going to get into advice giving. I was married for 7 years, and in the 10 years since the divorce, I’ve had a handful of relationships. I’m glad to see that you are being very clear about this – your relationship issues are not about your penchant for pantyhose, it’s about something much deeper. Disagreements about what you wear are merely a symptom of the deeper disconnect. If this is a relationship that you have an interest in saving, I advise you to consider the long game… kind of ignore the hosiery issue for now, and just really focus on meeting her emotional needs. Really listen to her. Find out what her love language is, and do something every day that speaks to her in that language. Do this for a while and see how the dynamic shifts. Not everyone is a fully functional human being. She might not respond. You may have a broken person on your hands. On the other hand, she may totally come to life, open up to you, and support you in wearing what you like. It’a an experiment. Something to think about.

          • It took a while, but I did learn to be confident when wearing “out”…as you said, OWNING it is key. I have received unsolicited compliments from a number of people (mostly ladies), but it was a process of learning how to make the outfits work.
            WRT my relationship, we have been married for almost 8 years and communication about tough relationship things doesn’t happen…she shuts down. Not our first marriages, but I have really worked on meeting her needs, being kind and doing the nice things that ALL husbands should be doing, but to no avail. She sees this pantyhose/tights issue on the same plane as adultery and will not budge. I have never cheated/beat her or had a substance problem, but I will say that she has had a tough life before me.
            My revelation of clothing choices really does show how our ability to talk is abysmal. I can’t put myself through interrogations, yet she expects me to be open with her while she give me the third degree.
            Thanks for letting me vent…I appreciate your time and good advice.

  2. For years I have been wearing my wife’s pantyhose when and the kids happened to be away. I finally told my wife a couple of weeks ago that I like to wear them. She has been mostly understanding as long as I only wear them at home. I would be too afraid to wear them out. I applaud your ability to feel comfortable wearing them whenever and wherever. Maybe I will get there someday.

  3. Mr. Duane, I am very glad to see that you are able to just go out and an say, this is me and just except the fact you will not change me and I will live my life how I want to. I envy you and your courage to do that, and applaud it as well. As a soldier it is very hard to get the chance to what you do. There is a lot expected of me from my soldiers, peers, civilians, and my family. My wife knows that enjoy wearing them, but normally will not let me. Very few times she has, but only after she has gone to bed. She does not like men wearing nylons or anything like that. She says it is a big turn off and is gross. Once in a while I sneak it under my cloths on my off days, but makes me feel deceitful and not happy that I have to do it like that. I shaved my legs once, and was barely able to pull it off, saying that I had lost a bet. Man did everybody notice right away, and the wife was none to happy, luckily she did believe it was because of a bet I made for a game that we watched and our team got their arses handed to them. But I really did it just to be able to just know what it was like to wear nylons with saved legs, and it felt so damn right. It was a nice thing to be able to do at least once, and sucks I may never get that chance again. I know I will never have the chance to ever enjoy wearing them like you are, and I would just like you to know that you are a bright star in this dark universe. I just hope that more bright stars will be able to shine and grow, and not be sucked back into the darkness. I enjoy your shows, and hope to catch your next podcast when it comes out.

  4. If you like to listen to RushLImbaugh (the pigman), and the vile things he says, anyone else would have been shut down long ago by the FCC, that must make you a pig as well.

    • But seriously guys. Keep up this argument over who is worse, and I swear to god I’m going to write jokes about both of you pantyhose wearing guys arguing over who’s party is more mean, and tell them on stage. ;-)

  5. Conservatives are the most hateful people there are, look at who is trying to pass voter oppression laws, laws that say its legal to discriminate against someone for being gay, laws that say the police can ask for your papers if you are not white,so please don’t tell me about how nice and non judgmental conservatives are, because that is a crock.

    • We all must be the change we wish to see. This means, unless abso-fucking-lutely neccessary, don’t spend time pointing out how hateful the _________ are. Just get on with being awesome! Living a kick ass life and setting an example of light, love, and many good times, is a universal language that all people speak.

  6. You are right on one thing, someone wearing pantyhose does not make them gay, I know thins for a fact because I wear them everyday, and I am not gay, I can assure you most conservatives would be ok with shooting me just for looking different,and why should you have to hide wearing pantyhose?I have also been called a faggot by conservatives because I had pantyhose on, I have dealt with conservatives all my life, most are not even close to being human.

    • Look into your own heart, Dane. I don’t think you realize how hateful you sound. I don’t care if you like Rush Limbaugh or not. Differences of opinion are a good thing. As for hiding the wearing of pantyhose, that’s been an evolution for me. Today I am going to my city’s St Patricks day parade. I will be openly wearing pantyhose for the first time, and I am greatly looking forward to it. My fiancé will be with me in support. It’s gonna be fun. If I run into any of my conservative friends, they will laugh and then forget about it. I and my friends who are conservative, don’t ridicule and name-call people who look different than us. We have respect. Go ahead and hate conservatives if that’s what makes you happy. I don’t have the time or desire for hating anyone.

      • The only thing I can’t stand more than two people fighting are two dudes wearing control top pantyhose, fighting. LOL ;-) At any rate… I really believe that we are all more similar then we are different. Despite what flag we carry, we all want to be healthy, we all want to spend our time doing work that is gratifying, we all want to be compensated fairly for it, we all want our kids to be able to go to school and be safe. I believe that 99% of everyone that wants these things also wants their neighbor to enjoy them, too. We live in a world that is fueled by consumption, and conflict drives consumption. We live in a world of ideologies, entities, corporations, that can only exist if you feel that you aren’t good enough – UNLESS you buy their thing or idea. People like Rush Limbaugh’s entire career depends upon you seeing yourself as fundamentally different from other people. With all due respect to the retirement funds of all the pundits on every side, let us focus on our similarities and work together toward common solutions. It’s time.

  7. It is Rush Limbaugh, and people like you who support him who are narrow minded.

    • That’s not a fact. It’s an opinion. Educate yourself and expand your thinking. Narrow-mindedness leads to oppression. Be more accepting of people and you will be happier.

    • I used to be a big fan of Rush Limbaugh many years ago. Since then my opinion has changed. He is nothing more than a fear monger, just like virtually ever other talking head, regardless of political orientation.

      • Right on, Paul. Differences of opinion are good. I do like to listen to Rush’s show. But that’s just me. I have also been intrigued by your blog. Glad I found it. Hope you don’t mind me checking back in from time to time.

        • Thanks Randy! I have a daytime talk radio show, too. You can stream it live online anywhere in the world via web browser, our mobile device app, or you can subscribe to the commercial free version in iTunes. Go over to http://www.PaulDuaneShow.com, you’ll see the links on the right side of the page. I hope you’ll check out the show!

  8. Sure, there was a commenter on this post that referred to Rush Limbaugh as a “hateful pigman.” Then went on to say that ultra conservatives who wear p/h and cross dress “makes no sense.” It makes perfect sense for me. I don’t see any political ideology in the wearing of pantyhose. It should “make sense” for anyone who wants to do it. Just my opinion. Thanks.

  9. Am I to understand that the only men that can enjoy wearing pantyhose are non-conservatives? Wow, that seems kind of odd. If I am living “authentically,” does it matter what my politics are? I wear pantyhose 24/7. I’m a truck driver that delivers gasoline and fuel for a living. I am a right-wing conservative libertarian and my lovely fiancé loves the fact that I wear and we have great fun with it. Maybe the more liberal among us could live up to their claim of “tolerance.” Maybe?

    • Hi Randy,
      Glad you are enjoying wearing hosiery! I’m really not sure where your comments about conservatives, libertarians, etc, stem from. Would you care to elaborate?

    • Most conservatives view a man who wears pantyhose to be 1. gay, or 2 not even human and would be ok with shooting him, just speaking from experience, but I am sure there are people who consider themselves conservative who do enjoy wearing pantyhose, but I am willing to bet they hide it pretty good in fear of being lynched by their own.

      • Dane, the percentage of conservative men who wear pantyhose is very high. I don’t know the exact number, but most men who wear p/h are NOT GAY. And many of then are conservative. Speaking as a conservative, I can assure you that no conservative would be “ok” with shooting you. I don’t wear my hose publicly, but that is my choice. If I saw you wearing your hose publicly, I might raise an eyebrow, but that would be it. Conservatives are not the “morality police” that they are sometimes made out to be.

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  11. Hi to a fellow lover of pantyhose/tights.

    If you look up me up on FB, you will get some idea howl love legs in nylon.

    Also l come from Northampton UK and met up with a marvellous singer performer whilst she lived near to me. She did a number of my makeovers. She has now returned home to Salt Lake City. Very talented, performing recently at Jackson’s Hole. It wod be great if u could contact her to interview her and share crossdressing experie ces. Trix xxs

  12. I totally echo your views. I wear hosiery a lot – good quality stuff too – in private and in public, with no shame. Living authentically. I also wear skirts yet like you, am always male in appearance. My wife is absolutely fine with my attire (well, less so heels) but she despises my love for Rush. Is this a problem? ;-)

    • She’s okay with you wearing pantyhose but can’t stand it when you play Presto? That’s quite a conundrum you’ve got on your hands. :-)

    • Yes it is a problem if you are referring to Rush Limbaugh, the pig man hate monger.

        • Well, you were not clear which Rush you meant, so I assumed it was the pig man, I have also ran into a couple of CD’s who were ultra conservative politically, which made no sense to me,were you referring to Rush, the band?

  13. I found your site from an acquaintance. I really enjoyed reading these answers. I have to agree with Phil from Italy as well. I found the joy of shaved legs and hosiery years ago. I love heels as well though it is not necessarily the heels but the different styles that are much more exciting that regular men’s shoes. My wife was not sold on it at first but she has come around and now buys me more hosiery, skinny jeans, etc for me than I do for myself! It really is about individuality rather than being labeled and grouped together in clone like fashion.

    • Brilliant! I love these stories of guys owning up to what they really want to do, and finding that the women in their lives are supportive. Thanks for taking a minute to write.

  14. Paul Duane,
    You are fabulous, keep up the ground breaking show of support for true equality between the genders in fashion. I hate that BS neanderthal thinking that brings about hate. This is why I feel that gender must be removed from clothing, woman don’t have this problem so why should it be a problem if a guy wishes to be feminine and pretty/Sexy after shaving his leg’s and wearing pantyhose a dress and high heels. In time I feel if gender is removed from clothing the HATE we see in the world that people are hit with every day because they wish to be who they are inside will be all but gone. I also feel that with true equality between the genders that we will see greater Respect for woman and the abuse woman see today, the battered women we hear about on the news will be greatly reduced. So thank you again.

    Equality in Fashion with no gender based clothing.

  15. I shave my legs, sometimes I use an epilator, its way smoother than shaving, I also wear pantyhose everyday, I wear them openly in public with my shorts, or under pants, my girlfriend knows I wear, and is totally ok with it,she knew when I first met her.

    • That’s awesome, it’s great to hear stories of guys living authentically and having their girlfriend be totally on board. Would you ever be willing to share more about what it was like when you first started dating, and she found out about your unique style for the first time?

  16. Hi from Italy.
    What I found very special in your presentation is the absolute linearity, its elegance in writing and in the graphics, the determination with absence of any doubt, the lack of importance about what the other person can think, the idea that shines through to do something superior, not only unusual but even better of the common habit.
    Congratulations, very brilliant indeed.

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