Bachelorette confession

120504-otrc-bachelorette-contestants-emily-maynard

The Bachelorette, Emily MaynardI have a confession to make…

I feel like such a girl saying this:

I have been watching The Bachelorette.

Faithfully.

It’s so interesting to me!

Before you say anything, I want to preemptively address a few things. 

Yes, I know it’s “reality television”. 

Yes, I know that “reality tv” is heavily produced.

Yes, I know that dating while being surrounded by film crews is not how people fall in love.

Yes, I know that people do crazy things in the presence of a camera.

Yes, I know that it’s easy to fall in love when you are gallivanting around the globe on romantic getaways, paid for by the network.

Yes, I know that it’s unrealistic for people to get engaged after just a handful of dates.

Yes, I know that shows like this tend to be heavily influenced by producers.

Yes, I know you feel like I should get my man card revoked for watching so many episodes of this show.

Yes, Emily is almost impossibly beautiful. Hold on. Let us contemplate that a bit more:

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard

Wow. Yes. Oh my. SO amazing… she’s beyond hot.  Emily is radiant.  Okay, where were we?  Oh yes. 

Here’s the thing. Emily is beautiful in ways that precious few women ever will be:

Emily Maynard has integrity.

Her integrity is by FAR her sexiest feature.  Precious few women are as straight forward and determined as Emily.  She regularly sent guys home in the middle of dates, as soon as she realized that they didn’t have a future. She had utmost respect for everyone’s time and emotions that were on the line.  This required her to have some very awkward conversations (not even referring to Kalon, here). It would have been easier for her to just wait until the rose ceremonies to let them go, but that’s not how she operated. I felt like her actions spoke volumes about her respect for the time and emotions of these men.  Most of all, it spoke about the respect she has for herself. It seems that self respect and respect for others walk hand in hand.  Her talk with Ari on their last “date” was the best example of this. As soon as she knew, she told him about her decision. This must have been extremely difficult.  Her habit of letting people go as soon as she gained clarity had a price, she had to suffer through a lot of awkward moments… but, it was rewarded with an engagement day that was 100% happy and free of any drama.  She did not have her day sullied by any difficult conversations with Ari. She was 100% present and available for Jef. The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard and Jef Holm I was smiling from ear to ear as he proposed to her, because, from what I can tell, Jef has earned his place with a truly exceptional woman. It’s a rare and beautiful thing to see this happen.

Yeah, there was drama on the show: big, strong alpha males crying always make for good television.  However – the “drama” was only based in disappointment, never deceit. Emily runs a very clean ship.

I have seen and experienced the other side of this. I’ve dated women that did not exercise integrity. They failed to act on truths they held, and in the process, betrayed many hearts.  

It was refreshing to see what it looks like when a woman acts with integrity. There’s nothing more beautiful than this. I’m super happy for Jef – this is a woman he’ll be able to trust and build an awesome life with.

I want to find my own Emily.

This, of course, means that I must be the thing that I want to attract.

How much integrity to I exercise in my life?  In business?  In friendship? In family matters? In art? In love?

When a truth becomes apparent to me, do I act on it immediately?

…or do I get scared of the hard work involved with integrity, and then over intellectualize things, so that I can have the excuse of being “not sure”?

I don’t believe that Emily fooled herself into thinking she had all the answers about Jef. There’s no way she’s that naive. It does seem that she accepted that most of the available signs pointed her toward “yes”. She accepted that, made a commitment, and is moving forward.  Part of me is saying, “But Emily, how can you accept a proposal if you aren’t really totally sure of everything?”  One of my inner voices chimes in and reminds me that I’m usually the first in a crowd to criticize those who are addicted to certainty.  Certainty is an illusion and a lie we tell ourselves.

Fear causes me to be infatuated with certainty.

I don’t think I’ve been living my life boldly enough.

Furthermore, I can do better in the integrity department.

Time to step it up.

The truth is, I do want love in my life. I’m a romantic. I view it as a high stakes game, and it scares the shit out of me.

Okay, I think that’s all I have to say about this topic right now. 

 

 

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Paul Duane

Paul Duane is a photographer, writer, and talk show host based in Salt Lake City, Utah.

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