PDX Thurs: FUPD has assumed control.

PDX Day 1: My stupidest accomplishment
PDX Day 2: Happy hour indeed
PDX Day 3: Portland so far
PDX Day 3.2: FUPD has assumed control
PDX Day 4: Laughs, libations, and lost chances
PDX Day 5: Cherubs, rainbows, and unicorns shitting Portland glitter cupcakes
PDX Day 6: Homebound
Thurs, 14 June: FUPD on the air, and that skirt is way more interesting than you, Mr. Mayor:

In a place like Utah, people sometimes talk about their minority friends:

“I have this friend that’s gay, and…”

“My friend Jerome, he’s black and he likes…”

Today Zak started into a sentence:

“I have this friend, Brian, and he’s straight…”  I started laughing at the phrase. It seemed that he didn’t necessarily frame the phrase up to be witty, it’s just a reflection of his current reality.  “Everyone in Portland is gay”, said Zak.

I saw this local newspaper, and thought the sub headlines were amusing.  “How to stay in love”.  Love is a universal challenge. I just can’t understand why we are making it even harder on same sex couples.  They should have equal access to the misery of marriage and divorce just like the rest of us.  But seriously, this phrase got me thinking. I just hung out with Jason and Melanie the other night, what a wonderful couple they are.  Tom and Carey Milne. Jon and Hilary Kirkman. These are a few of the couples that come to mind when I think of staying in love. What would it look like for me to fall in, and stay in love?  I’m having the time of my life here, and I realized something: I don’t think there are many women in my past that I could have had this vacation with.  It got me thinking about what TRULY good love would look like in my life, and a concept came to mind:  the improvisational theater principle of “Yes, And”.

 Here’s how it works:  At the beginning of the scene, Character #1 will begin by establishing setting and plot.

Character #1: What a hot and miserable day to be a ranch hand!

Following the “Yes And” method, Character #2 will accept the premise and add onto the situation.

Character #2: Yep and the boss said we don’t get no water until this fence is mended.

Character #1: Yes and ain’t he the meanest cuss we’ve ever worked for?

Character #2: Yep and it’s made me think about leaving behind this cowboy life and headin’ off for San Francisco.

If you deny your fellow performer, here’s what happens:

Character #1: What a hot and miserable day to be a ranch hand!

Character #2: No it’s not. And we’re not ranch hands either.

Then the scene is dead in the water before it even had a chance!

source: http://plays.about.com/od/improvgames/qt/YesAnd.htm

I want a woman that is just as adventurous and curious about the world as I am. I want a woman that will look at me and say, “Yes, and?” when I throw out an idea of some adventure.  I think that would be good love. I think that’s the kind of woman I could live, learn, and grow with. I think this is the kind of girl I’d have a hard time not falling in love with.  I want a girl with a short skirt, and a loooooong jacket.

At Zak’s place (It’s actually a house shared by Zak, his girlfriend and his brother Jake), I’ve been sleeping on the sofa, which faces a window that faces south, which causes me to face the sun every morning.  There is something natural and wonderful about the sun being one’s alarm clock. I understand that this is the exception rather than the rule in Portland. Somehow, during my stay in PDX, we had almost no rain, and virtually constant sunshine.  This is radically different from my typical routine of staying up until the sun comes up, then sleeping till noon.   I got up and took my bike out for a ride just to make sure that everything was working well for the big ride on Saturday.  Zak lives right next to the Alberta Arts District, which is a street that is filled with all kinds of unique restaurants, boutiques, bars, markets, etc.

While on my ride, I saw a sign that really surprised me:

Hold on, Time out. Uintah Brewing is a Utah thing.  A UTAH BEER, being featured, here in OREGON, one of the beer meccas of the nation?  I hear so much poo-pooing of “utah beer”, and to see it being featured in Portland, was almost surreal.  Later in the evening, I was at a party talking to the bar tender, and she said that Epic Brewery beers (another Salt Lake City based brewery) is also very popular up here.  I felt a small bit of pride, knowing that some of the suds are superior on MY side of the fence.  Awesome.

Zak and I went downtown to the station and prepped for the show. I was nervous about how it would go, as Zak had not told me ANYTHING about how any of it works.  I asked several times and he would just say, “It’s easy.  Just follow my lead”.   At his desk, we looked through various news sites and found stories that looked interesting. Zak put the links into an email and sent them to me.  When it was time for the show, we entered the soundproof studio and took our seats. The studio is comprised of 3 “desks”, each with a few computer screens. One screen displays various time counters related to the program and some audio level indicators. Another screen is simply a computer connected to the internet. I took my seat, put the headphones on, logged into my email, and started looking at the topics. Zak sat across from me. There was a big window behind him that looked straight at Mt. Hood.  So, the whole show as I’m looking at Zak while we talk, I’m also gazing out at Mount Hood. It was awesome.  Soon, the intro music starts rolling, the red light comes on, and we are on the air.

Once the show started, my nerves went away, and it was just talking to my old buddy Zak about issues, current events, etc…. except that we are being broadcast with 50,000 watts to all of Portland.   Before I know it, the show is over. I’m still trying to pin down why it was so fun, but it was.  Wait, you know, hold on. I’m sorry. I’m totally bullshitting myself and you. This is obvious. It was fun because my voice was being spread all over god’s green earth for anyone and everyone to hear. My ego fucking LOVES stuff like this.  I’m a Leo, and so is Zak.  It’s really not that mysterious as to why we are so entertained by this.

Anyway, leave the station, stop off at Zak’s place to pick up Jessica and meet Jake, and we are off to a party at the Falcon Arts Community. I slip into something more comfortable: I rocked the black heels, hosiery, super short shorts, black dress shirt, etc.  The Falcon Arts community is much like the place I live in – Artspace.  It’s a mixed use building featuring artist studios and apartments for artists.  There are a few musicians that have rehearsal rooms set up there, and there are painters. That’s about it. No other mediums. Some of the paintings are compelling.  Some are…

….testaments that there’s no accounting for taste. I’m one of perhaps 3 straight people at this event. The only reason I bring that up is that I can usually tell how gay or straight a room is by how much I get ignored or paid attention to when I dress up. The more attention I get, the more straight the room is.  You heard that right. Gay folk just ignore me for the most part, whereas straight folks – dudes AND girls – tend to notice and compliment me / ask questions.  At one point I was introduced to a guy named Sam Adams. No relation to the beer.  Just some dude that my friend Jake introduced me to. Nice guy, but nothing remarkable seemed to be going on.  I was trying to figure out what he was all about, when I saw some long, gorgeous legs and a very short, form fitting dress… without even excusing myself, I just wandered off in the direction of the sexiness I just saw.  Turns out the legs and dress were attached to a beautiful face with eyes that held a story. I was highly intrigued. I tried chatting her up a bit, but, it didn’t really go anywhere.  Oh well  :-)

Oh… and that Sam Adams guy I wandered away from?  Later on, someone told me who he is.

 

He’s the Mayor of Portland.

ha.

In tomorrow’s report: Wine country, comedy, and I fail to hit the ball

Paul Duane

Paul Duane is a photographer, writer, and talk show host based in Salt Lake City, Utah.

One Comment

  1. I’m thoroughly enjoying reading about your Portland exploits. It’s so entertaining, and I am desperately craving this type of vacation experience. Good on ya! ;)

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