An excerpt from an instant messenger confessional I made to a dear friend recently:
(04:26:01 PM) Paul:Christy, I had some really lame sex the other day.
(04:26:16 PM) Paul: Can I just get that off my chest?
(04:26:30 PM) Paul: I am surprised at how irritating I found this really lame sex to be.
(04:27:46 PM) Paul: It was with a friend. I’ve been on her “bucket list” for a few years. She came in from out of town. She looked really good, blah blah blah… we went out, had dinner, had a great chat (she’s great to talk to)…. came home, and she let me to my bedroom.
(04:29:10 PM) Paul: had sex but I didn’t cum, for some reason which I don’t recall. In the morning, I gave round 2 a try. When she told me that she had an IUD, but still didn’t want to take any chances because sometimes even THEY fail…. I just rolled over, let my boner fade, and started thinking about how stupid snow is.
(04:29:36 PM) Paul: A few minutes later, she hit me with,
(04:30:01 PM) Paul: “Want to make me squirt? You just have to ….. blah blah blah….”
(04:30:13 PM) Paul: I remember thinking, “that sounds like a lot of work.”
(04:31:41 PM) Paul: In the past, I would have done it, just because such a feat would add to my resume of ways I might please a woman, and…. in the past, my self worth deficits would drive me to do whatever might please a woman in bed and make me hero for the day.
(04:31:54 PM) Paul: That morning, I just wanted hash browns and orange juice.
If felt good to see some detachment of my ego from my sexuality. I’m not claiming total detachment… that is some crazy ass Buddha shit – but a bit of progress none the less.